love takes and takes and takes until you don’t have anything but your
by NoirShiro13
Summary: life (then it’ll take that too)
1. and they will never give it back

Tsuna hacks up flowers.

He knows it's not normal. If anything, it's abnormal.

But it's fine, because he's used to it. Used to being the kind of abnormal that attracts large amounts of bullies, used to being so painfully alone.

(For a Sky like him, being alone is a special kind of hell.)

Even when Mama's around, he feels alone. Because she is never truly there.

Sawada Nana is a woman—a mother—with her head up in the clouds. She dreams of fairy tales and princes, a happy ending. And all she will ever see in Tsuna is a dame.

Because of course his mother will believe someone else instead of her own flesh and blood.

Of course.

—

He still loves her anyway.

(That's what family is for.)

He sneaks into Nana's room after she passes out from crying for Iemitsu.

(Why does Mama cry for you? All you did was make her happy.)

(I can't make Mama happy... Maybe that's why she doesn't love me...)

Tsuna takes one look at her tear-stained face and immediately rushes to the bathroom. He takes the pink, fluffy face towel Nana has always used and wets a corner of it with warm water.

He gently wipes the drying tears away, washes the towel, and lets it hang to dry. Tsuna's petite body crawls into his mother's arms, clutching her hands softly.

When Tsuna closes his eyes, he imagines that Nana is hugging him. Even if he knows it isn't true, even if the fantasy only lasts for a second, it still fills his heart to the brim with love (he feels light and euphoric, a wish of this lasting forever never coming true).

And with that bitter, unrequited, familial love, Tsuna feels a slow, twisting pain. It grips his heart, winds 'round his bones, and creeps along his insides at an alarming rate.

Six-year-old Tsuna knows that something is wrong, and rushes to the bathroom near his room, even if it amplifies the pain he's in. He doesn't want to worry Nana with his problems, be it physical or mental.

Once he reaches the bathroom, he lets out the uncontrollable urge to throw up into the porcelain bowl.

Vermillion blood flecks the sides of the bowl while Tsuna chokes on soft, purple petals that clog his throat.

(He has never been more devastatingly afraid than this.)

(That's a lie. He has been.)

(The kind, old man that Papa—no, Iemitsu invited home hadn't been a kind old man.)

(Nono was a selfish, ruthless man. He saw fit to seal Tsuna's flames instead of train him.)

(All because he wanted his line to inherit Vongola.)

(Tsuna couldn't move, couldn't even twitch. His heart slowed down, his lungs taking in less and less air, until finally, he drowned—)

(Alone.)

—

That was the first.

—

As Tsuna grew up, he watched the people of Nanimori become cold and cruel, shoving the broken pieces of his heart into his nonexistent pride.

Few people catch his cautious attention.

—

Yamamoto Takeshi smiles all the time.

(Tsuna wonders if he ever cries, because that smile seems (so fakefakefake) perpetually glued onto his face.)

(And if he feels a little bit of empathy, because no one has ever listened to him, and Tsuna sees the same happening around Yamamoto—)

(Well, it's not like he knows about the gladioli Tsuna's been coughing up for weeks now.)

—

Hibari Kyoya is a distressing acquaintance, if one were to take into account that he rules Nanimori with a violent, iron fist.

Tsuna is frequently late, which in Nanimori, apparently warrants a beating.

No one can be more abnormal than him, he thinks. But Hibari Kyoya is a close second.

His skin blossoms with plum-purple bruises after every encounter.

(There's a pale, old, miniscule scar inside the crook of his left elbow.)

(It feels like what he feels for Hibari. Tiny, unassuming, but tenacious enough to leave a mark.)

Tsuna hides a bright, scarlet nasturtium behind his beaten-up school bag.

(Hibari doesn't notice, thankfully.)

—

Sasagawa Kyoko was an obvious choice.

She didn't bully him, didn't make him feel pain, and when the innocent, gentle daisies came, there wasn't a struggle to get them out.

That's why Tsuna fell hard and fast.

(Because she treated Tsuna like he existed, like he was a human being.)

—

When Reborn arrives in his life, shattering his normal life with the bluntness of a thousand wrecking balls against glass, he notices the things others don't question.

Reborn catalogues the four species of flowers blooming beautifically in hand-painted vases.

(He notices the purple violets, gladioli, the pure white daisies, and a lone nasturtium.)

The random coughing fits Tsuna would have, often leaving him to stuff something into his ever-present school bag.

But Reborn passes it off as a side effect of screaming. Tsuna can't hide anything from him for long anyway.

("I don't want to be a mafia boss!" Tsuna explodes, then immediately coughs into the palm of his hand.)

(He catches glimpses of green, purples, white, and scarlet.)

Tsuna, in turn, notices that every shot Reborn makes is to scare, not to kill. He sees that Reborn is making the effort to help him through his academic troubles, trying to make his life easier while still displaying a "holier than thou" attitude.

(A few days later, a bouquet of golden statice joined the others at the windowsill.)

(Tsuna started choking and gasping more often.)

—

Tsuna, in all his pubescent glory, knows that this really isn't normal, and if he doesn't get help soon, he'll die.

But it's fine.

Because Tsuna loves them too much to let them go, even if it's to let him live longer.

(He can feel the leaves scraping against the roof of his mouth, bits and pieces of miscellaneous plant parts travelling up his throat.)

But it hurts, feeling vines wrapping themselves around his spine, stems poking into his lungs, and petals filling the empty space in between his organs. The flowers take root in the bottom of his stomach, indifferent to the stomach acid that is just a sharp poke away.

Tsuna finds that it's becoming harder to breathe everyday.

(He wants to rest. The seal Nono put on him makes it harder to think, to stay awake, to even feel a change in temperature.)

(Tsuna really wants to rest. His Will has been enduring for so long, even under the confines of this thrice-damned seal.)

(His body is slowing down, his frail heart is swathed in vines and beats weakly, his lungs barely take in air, and Tsuna can barely process his surroundings.)

(And everyday, Tsuna feels pain akin to someone ripping out his heart, slowly and excruciatingly.)

(Make it go AWAY—it hurts and burns and I can't breathe.)

(But I love them. I love them so so so much, even if they don't love me. It's fine, as long as I can watch them live happily.)

(It's fine.)

—

Then, he remembers that Reborn promised to help make it better.

(It's ironic that a baby felt more reliable than all of the adults he's ever known.)

(A mafia baby.)

(How is this his life?)

—

Gokudera declares him to be the best, worthy of following, after saving him from his life-threatening mistake.

Tsuna doesn't see that. All he sees is someone who loves loves loves until he can't.

(Until he's gone.)

Gokudera doesn't realize, for all his genius in the world of academics, that what he's doing is self-destructive.

(That Tsuna is self-destructive.)

But Tsuna sees, and he wants to help. So he gives away his heart freely, because he wants to love and be loved.

(Maybe this will be the one?)

And then, Tsuna realizes with a sardonic, sour bark of laughter that no, Gokudera doesn't adore him, he adores the image he's made of Tsuna. A strong, untouchable, kind god.

But Tsuna is so agonizingly human, who feels pain, first and foremost, and then love. A discombobulatingly queer combination of emotions.

But for all the pain Gokudera's given him, Tsuna loves him.

Because even if it's fake, even if it's an illusion, Tsuna wants to believe the lies.

(Even if it makes it worse. But it doesn't matter. Tsuna doesn't have much longer anyway.)

And so, a day after Gokudera was saved by him, Tsuna wheezes and gasps and finally hacks out a bountiful, bloody bouquet of shining yellow sunflowers, the biggest on as large as his head.

Tsuna carefully rinses the petals clean, motions swift and light.

When the bundle of flowers are clean and dewy, Tsuna places them in the pot he painted this morning, covered in a mural of flames.

(Reborn notices.)

—

Tsuna, for the first time, is noticed by Yamamoto Takeshi.

The baseball star. Ace of the team. Everything he's not.

(But he's ignored too.)

And when Takeshi asks Tsuna—him, of all people—for advice, Tsuna, being the dumb, sealed, idiot teenager he is, tells Yamamoto to practice more.

Tsuna, at the thought of being able to help someone, swells up with excitement and joy and sparkles. Yamamoto visibly relaxes for some mystifying reason.

The next day, the emotional high crashes down on his head with the force of a million tons. Tsuna's heart is heavy and dragged down by regret when he hears that Yamamoto wanted to jump off the roof.

And because Tsuna is infinitely kind, he decides that he must fix this. Because he started it.

Tsuna can only feel an overwhelming sense of panic, while his legs obey him for once and frantically run up the stairs to the roof. His thoughts swirl around chaotically, sour and bitter and full of an ever-lasting guilt that will stay, even if it is forgiven.

His thin, wobbly arms slam open the door, catching Yamamoto in the middle of saying his confession for why he was doing this.

"-ball god threw me away! I have nothing to live for now!" Yamamoto shouts to the skies, a tad insane and lonely.

The loud clanking of the door against the wall catches the attention of everyone in the immediate vicinity.

Yamamoto smiles, a dark thing with a wry tilt.

"You've come to stop me too, Dame Tsuna?" he asks, an almost rhetorical question with a mocking lilt to the oh so kind nickname that the entirety of Nanimori had bestowed upon him.

Tsuna, being a totally smart person who totally knows what he's doing, replies, "Of course I did!"

Yamamoto tilts his head back, letting out a sharp bark of bitter laughter. His body hangs precariously on the rusty fence, uncaring that if it broke, the boy with a bright future would tumble and snap.

Tsuna, because he has nothing to lose, because he's going to die anyway, races forwards and hugs Yamamoto—no, Takeshi tightly while pulling him away from the imminent danger.

But he doesn't succeed, because for all the training Reborn put him through, Tsuna is weak. He coughs up blood, regularly tears up his throat, and added to the eating disorder he has, it's difficult to build up substantial muscle.

Tsuna's vision blurs and tears stream down his face, while he yells and screams and desperately tries to convince Takeshi to not jump.

"What do you mean you have nothing to live for?!" Tsuna pleads for an answer. "Don't you have your dad? Your dream to get into the national baseball league?"

Takeshi's hazel eyes widened. He forgot about his father, evidently.

And for once, someone listens to Tsuna.

Tsuna's eyes glow a dull amber, his flames not completely freed from the seal, but still there, nonetheless.

The crowd watches with bated breaths, nervous and anxious.

Takeshi's attention is taken by Tsuna, hanging onto every word that passes through his pink lips.

"Your arm will heal! You can play baseball again!" Tsuna exclaims righteously. "It's not the end of the world!"

Tsuna's dry throat contributes to the severe coughing fit that starts. Tsuna knows that a gladiolus is scrabbling to exit his body.

And because Tsuna is the unluckiest person in the world, he doubles over right then and there, coughing out congealed blobs of blood.

He sprays out bright, sickening red, splatters, contrasting against the white of his uniform.

Although no gladiolus petals escape from the confines of his body, Tsuna is acutely aware of the stems a cough away. So he suppresses the urge to choke out all of his insides, and tries to wipe the splatters of blood away, only causing a trail of gleaming, ruby-red blood to extend to his cheekbones.

Takeshi watches with something like fear glinting in his eyes.

(In the shadows, Reborn curses Iemitsu for giving him faulty information. Tsuna isn't weak by choice, it's because his body is perpetually plagued with some kind of illness.

Tsuna is supposed to become Decimo.

He may not live long enough to inherit it.)

After seconds that feel like a million years, Tsuna stops coughing and extends his hand to Takeshi.

"Let's go home, okay?"

And Takeshi, sensing the warmth and home and a complete acceptance of his everything, takes that hand.

Then, everything goes awry.

The moment Takeshi took Tsuna's hand, the fence he was leaning on snapped like a brittle twig.

The pair of broken boys tumble down the roof, and the crowd screams but doesn't move.

(Nanimori, the town of greedy, materialistic people. They only care about their own benefits, anything beyond that becomes shallow and fake.)

Tsuna doesn't want to die to this, doesn't want to let Takeshi die like this. He flares his Will urgently, thinking, I don't want to die, I don't want to let Yamamoto-san die either!

Reborn clicks the trigger of his gun.

A piercing pain gathers at his forehead, while Tsuna feels light and free and everything he has not been since the sealing.

Tsuna's uniform shreds into a million tiny, flammable pieces, only leaving him in his blue boxers.

"REBORN! SAVE YAMAMOTO-SAN WITH MY DYING WILL!" Tsuna exclaims under the effects of the Dying Will bullets. A spring grows from the top of his head, under the discombobulating effects of the different kind of bullet, and they bounce off the concrete together.

(Reborn doesn't know, but every time he shoots Tsuna with the bullets, it becomes so much easier to breathe.)

(Now he's able to notice the feet trying to trip him, his brain can process school a little better, and he can move.)

(Tsuna feels like he's drowning less and less everyday now.)

They're safe after bouncing around for a couple of minutes. Tsuna breaks out of his Dying Will bullet induced situation and immediately falls into hysterics.

Takeshi watches, not that Tsuna notices, with something that looks like admiration.

After watching Tsuna panic for awhile, Takeshi slings an arm around Tsuna's shoulders.

"Since you saved my life, call me Takeshi!" Takeshi grins, a complete one-eighty degree turn from ten minutes ago. Tsuna blushes and stutters and eventually gives in.

"Takeshi-san," Tsuna says, a bit reluctantly. He flinches when a tan arm is thrown over his shoulders again, surprised by the sudden movement.

Takeshi smiles. It's bright, blinding, and unlike anything Tsuna's ever seen on his face.

It's genuine.

He sees that it's aimed at him, and Tsuna feels so, so blessed. A warm feeling bubbles to the surface of his emotions and Tsuna beams a wide grin right back at Takeshi.

Takeshi blushes, for some odd reason, and Tsuna just ignores it.

(It's not denial if you don't actually know what it means, okay?)

"Tenth!" A loud call startles the two out of the comfortable atmosphere.

"Ah!" Tsuna exclaims, flailing his arms in the air. "Gokudera-kun! I completely forgot!"

Somehow, someway, Reborn miraculously appears on Tsuna's shoulder while stroking Leon.

"Yamamoto Takeshi," Reborn knows his name, this is a bad omen, "Do you want to join Tsuna's Family?"

Tsuna is stunned. He knew Reborn was straight-forward, but... this, this takes the cake.

"Hey little guy!" Takeshi laughs. An imperceptible twitch forms on Reborn's brow at the greeting. "Do you mean that game you guys are playing?" he asks idiotically.

Tsuna's heart is filled with despair and grief and a foreboding feeling that makes him afraid, afraid of confronting Reborn, afraid of interfering with whatever this is.

"Sure!" Takeshi laughs.

"Congratulations," Reborn says in his high-pitched, childish voice. "You've gained a Family Member."

Tsuna is overcome by fear and grief and sorrow, speculating all the possible endings to this.

There's only one ending.

Death.

Even if he protests, Reborn will still make Takeshi a part of Vongola, even if he screams and cries and weeps until his there's nothing left in him. Nothing.

Tsuna gives in.

—

And Tsuna knows that Takeshi sees him as his savior, his god, much like Gokudera.

Tsuna cries.

(The gladioli in his stomach only grow, strangling his heart, literally and metaphorically.)

—

He's sitting in his room, doing math (itmakessenseitmakessenseitmakessense) when a baby—when did he get in his room?!—yells, "I'm Bovino Lambo and I'm going to kill Reborn!"

Tsuna feels incredulous. Like, who even puts a child in a cow onesie.

A cow onesie.

Reborns kicks him to the curb for disrupting his teaching and monologuing and Tsuna panics.

Because, if anything, that is clearly child abuse, and you shouldn't be doing this Reborn—!

Reborn repeatedly snubs Lambo, who sniffs and pulls out a giant bazooka from god knows where!

A plume of pink smoke erupts and Tsuna is just done with this weird drama that is his life.

Because of course there's a teen Lambo.

At least, Tsuna muses, he didn't change much.

His point is proven when Reborn bests Lambo, who bursts into tears upon his defeat.

Tsuna sighs and gets up, grabbing a grape candy he had lying around. "Here," he says with a smile. "You like grape candy, right?"

All the wailing quiets down, until grown-up Lambo takes the candy and smiles.

"Grazie, Fratello," he says, and a column of pink smoke appears.

Kid Lambo sits where grown-up Lambo was, holding a grape-flavored lollipop.

"Hey!" Lambo points at Tsuna and demands, "Pick me up!" He makes grabby hands while Tsuna is contemplating the universe, teh merits of time travel, and the sheer confusion that is his life.

"Okay, okay," Tsuna succumbs to his demands.

The tutoring continues.

—

Tsuna keeps coughing, almost dying, but Tsuna's not strong enough to face the world, so he hides away in the warmth of the sun and soft petals of his love.

Then Ryohei, who faces everything with the strength of a bull in a glass shop, crashes into his life much like Reborn did, except no one can be like Reborn.

(He's a mafia baby, what did you expect?)

He runs and runs and runs, but he's not like Tsuna who runs away.

Ryohei runs forwards, faces every day with the strength of a thousand suns, with the will to face the future.

Tsuna can't help but envy him, just a little.

(Proteas wind themselves around his veins, grasping his lifeblood tightly and securely.)

(Knowing that they're there gives Tsuna the strength to love more, before his time runs out.)

(His Family's crazy personalities aren't doing anything to help though.)

—

Life goes on.

—

Word Count: 3,222 words

Merry Christmas everyone!

So, this is a little two-shot inspired by mintgreyashes "siLent" KHR fic, soooo it's a gift-fic for her.

(Do you like it? Haha.)

Anyway, hopefully I can get the second part out on New Year's, so you guys have something to look forward to~!


	2. until you die, never to return

Eventually, after ten Dying Will bullets, Tsuna gets skullitis.

A disease where skulls and your most embarrassing secrets are laid upon your skin, and you die.

Tsuna, of course, is horrified. He doesn't want to die to this. It's humiliating, from secrets that said he wet his bed when he was four to admitting he still tripped on air sometimes.

(Thankfully, there's nothing about how he's going to die soon or that love is killing him.)

Reborn orders a man called Trident Shamal to treat Tsuna.

But, the problem is, he only treats girls. And Tsuna is most definitely a boy, even if he does look more feminine than masculine.

A chase ensues. Bianchi, the very traumatizing sister of Hayato, tries to make Tsuna die by luring Shamal away.

("Reborn, my love, it seems that you will only be free if I accidentally kill the Vongola Decimo!")

Shamal, of course, has one, big, fat weakness.

Gorgeous women.

Tsuna decides, Bianchi is very pretty, but he wants to be cured now. So Tsuna, feverish and dizzy, has the brilliant idea of climbing out of his window and chasing after Trident Shamal.

His odd entourage of misfits chase after Shamal for him, while Reborn encourages his absolutely stupid idea of almost falling to his death.

This doesn't even faze Tsuna anymore because of how weird his life has gotten.

(Why is this his life again?)

(Oh right, because magic-mafia flames and weirdness that kinda obeys physics.)

—

So, the fall-out-of-window-and-chase-Shamal plan failed, but eventually, when the disease got too serious, Reborn forced Shamal to cure him and give him a check-up.

"Ewww," Shamal shuddered in disgust. "I'm treating a guy."

"Sorry I'm not a girl?" Tsuna raised an eyebrow.

Shamal rambled a little during the check-up.

"Well, you could definitely pass for one," he examined Tsuna's body and profile.

"Eeugh."

It was Tsuna's turn to shudder at the mental image. He was proud to be a male, okay?!

"Okay, you're all good," Shamal announced and took the stethoscope off of Tsuna's chest.

"Thank god," Tsuna mumbled and rolled over on the infirmary's bed.

Shamal left the room.

—

"What did you find out?" Reborn demanded. His tiny figure emanated a menacing aura, while Leon had a curious gleam in his eyes.

Shamal sighed and lit a cigarette. He inhaled, exhaled, and said, "The kid's got something wrong with him, for sure."

"Specifically?" Reborn's brow furrowed at the confirmation of his suspicions.

The doctor shook his head at that. "Specifically? I don't know, but the kid sounds like he's got a whole garden stuffed in him. It's everywhere."

A million thoughts and theories ran through Reborn's head the moment Shamal mentioned a garden.

(The mysterious bouquets on the windowsill. What connection do they have with this?)

"Maybe Decimo started eating plants for shits and giggles and it's coming back to bite him in the ass," Shamal waved it off.

He rummaged around in the satchel he brought with him. His calloused hand lifted up a bottle with a prescription on it.

"Decimo kid needs to take two a day, one with breakfast and one with dinner," Shamal explained. "Sun and rain infused pills, which will help stabilize and heal some of the malnutrition he's got."

"I'll send the fee to your account," Reborn snatched the pills and snuck back into the infirmary.

"Yeah, yeah," Shamal waved lazily. He strolled out of the school and left.

—

"It is I, Reborn!"

He arrived in a flashy, blinding costume that looked like something a unicorn threw up on.

"HIEEEEEE!" Tsuna shrieked.

"MY EYES!" He threw a pillow at the glittering infant, who expertly dodged his pathetic attempt.

"You're a million years too early to try and even touch me, Dame Tsuna," Reborn smirked.

"Whatever," Tsuna rolled his eyes.

Leon morphed into a ten-ton, garishly green hammer and was used to whack Tsuna.

"OUC—"

Tsuna started coughing.

When he did an ear-piercing shriek earlier, that rubbed his vocal cords and plant life together, causing an urge to cough everything out.

His throat was rubbed raw and blood started to well up in the back of his mouth.

Blood splattered on the back of his arm, and Tsuna quickly threw the pristine sheets off of his body, hurrying to the restroom to vomit.

"Tenth!"

"Tsuna!"

Generous amounts of blood and various plant parts erupted from his mouth.

The stems, leaves, and petals scraped at Tsuna's insides. Every nerve burned with a blinding pain.

Tsuna's vision was spotty, and his head ached more than ever. A floating sensation accompanied the pain and blood.

It felt like forever.

Copious amounts of mushed flowers and blood were dyed scarlet and flushed down the toilet.

A red trail dripped down Tsuna's mouth and onto the bathroom floor.

"Oi, Tsuna," Reborn strolled in.

His large, beady eyes darted around, noting the putrid smell and how exhausted Tsuna looked.

"Let's get you back to the bed," he declared.

Tsuna thought he heard the tiniest tinge of worry coating his words.

(But who would worry for Dame Tsuna? Reborn said it himself: I'm useless.)

Gokudera and Takeshi quietly lifted Tsuna and brought him back to the bed.

A heavy, sour smell hung in the air.

—

When Tsuna was told that Dino was Reborn's former student, he really didn't expect him to be so… ditzy.

Not in a bad way of course! But, when you're tutored by a guy like Reborn, you kind of expect the guy to be super cool.

Dino absolutely shattered those expectations.

He was cool, of course, but the moment his subordinates left his line of sight, he toddled everywhere and made a mess like a three-year-old.

No motor control, could barely walk without tripping, and even flung his chopsticks somewhere.

(They never really did find that pair chopsticks.)

It was kind of endearing though, Tsuna mused.

Dino still tried his hardest, and it was obviously drawing people in. Just look at the Cavallone Famiglia.

(I wish… I wish people could see me.)

But alas, even Dino only saw him as Vongola Decimo.

Tsuna was labeled as his little brother, but he didn't pay attention.

Dino kept ranting, assuming he needed to be told what to do, like how to hold chopsticks when he couldn't, and also kept patting his back.

(The worst thing about it. Dino couldn't control his strength, and that applied to his pats as well.)

(Tsuna had no lost love for him, since he kept causing the flowers to come up and it was hard to breathe and he kept choking—!)

—

No one noticed the disappearance of Fuuta.

—

All of a sudden, Nanimori Middle Disciplinary Committee members have been hospitalized.

All of them have two things in common: one, some of their teeth are missing. Two, when the victims were found, pocket-watches were found on their chests, pointing at different times.

Rumors are floating around on how it's a gang attack, but Tsuna knows that's wrong.

(That's a lie! his mind buzzes with the truth.)

Tsuna instinctively knows that these incidents have to do with his position of future Vongola Decimo.

—

Ryohei was attacked, and he wasn't there to help him—

Ryohei, for all his bigger-than-life personality and his radiant persona, had looked so fragile (like glass) on the hospital bed, swaddled in bandages and pleading for him to not tell Kyoko.

Tsuna grimly agreed, heart heavy with one thought.

This is what he's going to inherit.

Ryohei confirmed one thing: his attackers were from Kokuyo Middle School.

—

Reborn tells him that Vongola Nono wants him to go and capture, or kill, Rokudo Mukuro.

(That man has no right to order this, not when he did this to me, and shoved this position on me—)

(But Rokudo Mukuro will threaten, will kill, to get what he wants, Tsuna realizes.)

(That cannot happen.)

And so Tsuna goes along with the whims of Vongola Nono, like a puppet and the thin strings holding him together almost snapping.

—

Tsuna thinks, when he first sees Rokudo Mukuro, he is angry.

Angry for his friends, angry for the people, and absolutely furious at Vongola Nono for this task.

But Tsuna is weak, so, so weak.

So he can only do what they want.

—

Horror creeps into his frail heart at the sight of his enemy shooting himself in the head.

(I never meant that this had to happen—!)

He feels empathy for the male.

When Mukuro spilled his life-story, Tsuna felt a startling similarity between them. They were ignored, forced into opportunities they didn't want, only to be broken in the end.

But Mukuro is better.

He took matters into his own hands, he massacred the Estraneo Famiglia on his own, he became strong.

And Tsuna, Tsuna has only ever wanted to be strong.

But he's drained, tired, and infested with the proof that his love will never be returned.

But Tsuna should know by now that nothing is as it seems, because when Mukuro goes limp, Bianchi rises and requests for help.

Many of his friends and comrades become possessed.

Dread and fear and sorrow wells up in him, and Mukuro nicks his hand.

(Nononononononononononono, this can't happen!)

Tsuna fell limp, and became dead to the world.

—

Tsuna floats in and out of consciousness, flashes of sensations from the outside making its way in.

—

Mukuro rises from the dead, in the safety of Sawada Tsunayoshi's, soon-to-be Vongola Decimo, body.

The moment Mukuro fully settles in, he stumbles.

A moment later, he coughs out a sharp, budding daffodil.

Then a flood erupts from his mouth. A waterfall of blood, purple violets, gladioli, daisies, scarlet nasturtiums, sunflowers, and more.

It's bitter and biting, feeling blood slide out, stems snagging on tissue, petals dyed red, and bouquets dropping out, one by one.

Mukuro heaves, feeling exhaustion corner him and death nearing.

The surrounding people are petrified by this sight.

"Well," Reborn breaks the silence.

"He had a garden in him after all."

Gokudera screams at him.

"YOU MEAN YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS?!"

He gestures wildly at flowers he witnessed streaming out of Tsuna's body.

Takeshi, most likely in shock, stands still and doesn't move a finger.

Hibari seems fascinated, in a morbid, gory way.

And Mukuro, Mukuro laughs.

"Kufufufufu~"

"How impressive," Mukuro muses in a sick, amused manner. "To think that Decimo has been enduring this all this time, and no one, not even the Arcobaleno Reborn, noticed."

A grim silence falls over Reborn, who wore a slight frown.

—

Tsuna, in light of witnessing the people he loves see his most deeply concealed secret, fights.

He kicks and screams and punches at the never-ending void and wants to leave.

His efforts are not in vain.

—

Mukuro clutches his head and smirks.

"It seems that Decimo is getting fussy," he emphasizes the last word. "So I shall take my leave," he makes a sophisticated bow and falls.

—

Tsuna wakes up.

He's drowning in nothing but pain, embarrassment, and shame.

While Tsuna is slowly backing away, Mukuro rises once again.

This time, in his own body.

Mukuro clutches his head and giggles madly. They escalate and turn into full-blown, hysterical laughs that sound deranged, like Mukuro is on the cusp of his sanity.

(Tsuna's been there before.)

(Then he realized what his disease originates from and weeps.)

(Hanahaki: an illness caused by a one-sided love. The victim coughs up flower petals, and if left alone for too long, they die.

To be cured, the love has to be reciprocated.

Or, you can do a surgery to remove the invasive plants, but, it removes any and all romantic feelings the victim held for their love.)

(Tsuna loves too much, so much that he can only watch as his body wastes away.)

The battle continues.

—

Despite everyone's misgivings about Mukuro, Tsuna still walks up to him and shows him the daffodil.

"Rebirth," Tsuna mumbles, red tipping his ears.

Mukuro gives a tired smile, and takes the blood stained flower.

A chill suddenly envelopes the room, ominous and foreboding.

"The Vindice," Reborn whispers.

Tsuna's intuition screams at him, to get his Family away, to take Mukuro away.

Tsuna hesitates, and then it's too late.

Black, cruel chains shoot out from mysterious portals and wrap themselves around Mukuro's bloodied body.

"We are the Vindice," they intone.

Living mummies, aged and powerful.

Tsuna can only feel an instinctive fear.

It makes him shake, his hands turn clammy with cold sweat, and absolutely crushes his courage.

Reborn opens his mouth, stating that Rokudo Mukuro is to be captured or killed.

"Arcobaleno Reborn, we care naught for your Vongola." They turn to Mukuro and convict him of crimes that horrifies Tsuna.

Because Tsuna was once a soft, weak civilian, and still is.

But even so, even after hearing crimes that made others blanch and look with disgust, Tsuna still looks at him.

And Mukuro sees a deep, soul-crushing empathy.

(Because they have been forced into lives they have never wanted. They have been disillusioned to the niceties of life.)

(Mukuro is the one Tsuna empathizes with the most.)

In the end, Mukuro is taken away.

To be a prisoner, to be trapped forever.

(Just like his time in the Estraneo Famiglia.)

—

Tsuna, guilt-ridden, pushes himself to his absolute limits.

His "Family" members all encourage his sudden determination, happy that Tsuna's not whining for once.

Tsuna has an epiphany.

They never truly cared about me, did they?

(It only causes his garden to grow more.)

—

A week after the attack and "defeat" of Rokudo Mukuro, Reborn confronts Tsuna about the flowers.

Tsuna spills.

Bitter and solemn, he starts his story.

"I was six, the first time," he starts vaguely, unsure and timid.

Because this was the biggest secret of his life, the one where he would give his life to hide.

Now, it's out in the open.

And Tsuna can no longer hide.

"I wanted a familial love, from Mom." Tsuna stares at his ceiling and thinks to his child self, I was dumb.

"Clearly, I was never loved back," he laughs. Tsuna gestures to the flowers on the windowsill.

"Where did you think these came from?" he questions, short and straight to the point.

Reborn gazes at the numerous bouquets, strangely soft and quiet.

(There's something in his eyes that irritates Tsuna. It's not pity, Tsuna knows how to deal with that, but it feels like… understanding?

But it can't be, because what would the Greatest Hitman in the World know about understanding?)

(A lot, apparently.)

Tsuna feels comfortable in Reborn's presence, and tells which flowers are for who.

"Mom got purple violets," Tsuna smiles wryly.

(Everlasting love.)

"Takeshi became gladioli," he looks wistfully at the sky, remembering when they were nothing more than strangers in the same school.

(Strength, infatuation.)

"Hibari-san's a bit scary, but he kind of grew on me," Tsuna admits. "Besides, he's not that bad, and I think red nasturtiums represent him pretty well."

(Victory, passion.)

"Kyoko-chan's pretty obvious," Tsuna sheepishly laughs. "She treated me like an actual human being, and was just so nice."

"White daisies are the least I could give her."

(Innocence.)

Tsuna feels a blush creeping onto his face when he shyly tells Reborn that the golden statice were him.

"Well-ah um, you kept teaching me and didn't really harm me and just even if it was your job you were the only one to keep teaching me and have results show," he explains.

(Remembrance, success.)

Reborn feels an all-consuming anger at the people who deemed Tsuna hopeless, useless, nothing.

(Dame.)

"Gokudera-kun has these huge sunflowers, and they were kind of a pain to get out, but it was all worth it, you know?" Tsuna casually says, as if he wasn't admitting that coughing up large flowers the size of your head was a regular occurence.

(Adoration, loyalty.)

"Onii-san made it easy to love him," Tsuna says with a small, bitter smile, "with his bright personality and honest demeanor."

Everything I'm not, goes unsaid, but understood.

"The proteas that grew were strong."

(Courage.)

"Rokudo Mukuro was kind of terrifying," he says sadly. "But no one should have to go through what he did, you know? I mean, that's probably what caused this whole murdering-families-fiasco in the first place. And daffodils are his thing, even if he denies it."

(Rebirth.)

—

The golden statice have stopped.

And Tsuna is so, so happy.

(Someone cares.)

—

They have a few weeks of peace, before Vongola Nono's deeds caught up with him.

—

They are attacked outside of his house, by a man with long, silver hair.

The kid, Basil, speaks in an archaic form of Japanese that Tsuna can barely decipher.

The man screams, "VOI!" and proceeds to steal rings that seem pretty important.

Apparently, once they all get to safety and Basil can explain everything, Tsuna is challenged to a Ring Conflict, which is the appropriate battle for the inheritance of Vongola.

And that he can't get out of it.

(Tsuna still thinks, a bit hysterically, I never wanted this in the first place! That Xanxus guy can have it if he wants!)

But all of his Family members, theydon'tcaretheydon'tcaretheydon'tcare, are open to the idea, Hibari especially.

(They didn't care about him being sick, and Tsuna's fine with that. He still loves them anyway.)

—

And so the Varia Arc begins.

—

A strange man is in his house, Tsuna realizes with a start.

He's sprawled over the family couch, reeking of alcohol and smoke. Clothes are strewn all over the living. A picture perfect mess.

And that very person makes Tsuna feel an overwhelming amount of disgust.

(Tsuna may not remember, but his Flames do.)

Sawada Nana's smiling face makes herself known and greets, "Ah! Tsu-kun! Welcome back!" She hums as she stirs the concoction she's cooking up.

Reborn watches silently.

"Isn't it wonderful!" she squeals adoringly. "Papa has come home!"

"But Mom," Tsuna tilts his head, "Papa is dead."

The entire house falls silent at the admission.

Leon turns into a camera, recording every single moment.

"Tsu-kun, that's not nice to say about your father," Nana chides him sternly.

"And I quote, 'He's gone off to be a star! Isn't that romantic?'" Tsuna deadpans in a tired way.

His father has always been a touchy subject for him.

"As a metaphor, that means one thing. He's dead. Besides," Tsuna groans at his mother's perceived to be denial, "even if he is still alive, he's not much of a father."

Anger rolls off of every bitter word and Tsuna relishes in the reactions of the people in his house.

He continues ranting. "If he did marry you, then he would've visited, but nooooo he doesn't visit for years!"

Nana visibly flinches at the venom in his accusation.

"If he loved you enough to marry you, then he would try, which he clearly didn't do," Tsuna's disdain is palpable.

"And the one time he did visit was when I was five, and he did something to me, along with that lying geezer of a relative, and life was hell after it settled."

Reborn narrows his beady eyes and a tiny suspicion started lurking at the edges of his mind.

Tsuna huffs, done with his tirade, while the rest of his Family looks visibly cowed, along with Nana.

Reborn stops the recording, and a sadistic smile blooms across his face. This would be enough black-mail for lifetimes.

Tsuna leaves the room.

—

The day of the conflict has arrived.

And Tsuna is done with life.

He has never asked to be the leader of a mafia syndicate.

He never wanted to have insincere Family members.

(They have pushed him past his limits.)

And he certainly didn't want a good for nothing father as the leader of the CEDEF.

But life isn't fair, so Tsuna makes it.

—

Tsuna, at the sight of the Varia, rips the stupid ring off of his neck and hurls it at the face of the guy in the throne.

"I'm done," he announces.

"I forfeit, you cannot stop me and if you do, I will throw Reborn at you," Tsuna threatens.

Reborns shakes his head in a fond, exasperated way and lands on his fluffy head.

The Varia look on in disbelief, while Xanxus shouts angrily, "TRASH! FIGHT ME!"

"NO!" Tsuna screams at the highest decibel he can go.

"I'm sick, done, and tired of the mafia! I never fucking asked for this, and your Father Dearest along with my douchebag of a father, decided to seal my flames to get me out of the succession," Tsuna rants for a long time, and with every word, Reborn's grin grows wider and wider.

Tsuna's entourage flinch with the force of a wrecking ball crashing into their tiny, mortal bodies.

The Varia watch with something that looks like a healthy amount of growing respect.

"Tu-Tuna-fish," Iemistu stutters unsteadily.

Mukuro watches from the eyes of Chrome, and in his tank, he smiles.

(It's not a nice one.)

A vindictive smile spreads across Tsuna's face and he says the one thing that can annul his claim to the Vongola throne.

"The illegal sealing of an heir removes them from succession permanently."

Tsuna's entire being lights up with the joy of a thousand suns, and Reborn whole-heartedly approves.

Xanxus looks like he has hope.

"And if you want proof," Tsuna casually throws a stack of Vindice-approved paperwork at Squalo who yells a quiet "Voi!".

"Here it is!"

—

It takes a whole hour for everyone to believe it.

Tsuna shares a triumphant smile with Reborn all the while.

—

And then, every single bit of planning is ruined.

Okay, not every single bit, but still.

By the appearance of one guy:

The Man in the Iron Hat.

And because apparently, the rings are part of the Tri-Ni-Sette, and the Tri-Ni-Sette sustains the world.

And while the rings can be altered to accept Xanxus as the wielder, Checker Face was actually here to give Tsuna the Sky Pacifier.

Reborn's eyes widen in an undisguised shock, and Tsuna quickly takes a picture with Leon.

"Hey!" Reborn snaps, clearly agitated.

Tsuna smiles, but it's dim and strained.

He feels so, so tired.

Because he knows that the mafia won't leave him alone, if not for his flames, then for his resemblance to the very dead Vongola Primo.

Both of which make him a prime target for recruitment or assassination.

And so he gives in.

The Sky Pacifier latches onto him, and Tsuna's life begins to drain away.

He faints.

—

Reborn sends a message through the pacifiers that the new Sky Arcobaleno has been chosen.

And to come to Nanimori, now.

—

When Tsuna wakes up, he doesn't hear Reborn's concern, he doesn't hear or feel the presence of the other Arcobaleno, he only feels the congealed blobs of blood sitting at the back of his throat and the plants writhing inside of his body.

He darts to the bathroom, and coughs out everything.

The blood trails out of his mouth, and the vile smell of puke accompanies the flowers that scratch his throat and crush his bones.

Tsuna doesn't know how long he's been in there, but it feels like hours, days even.

But the disease is seated so deeply into his heart, Tsuna cannot pull away.

(Because that is all he is.)

But no one can cure him, and maybe that's for the best.

—

Byakuran visits, and he brings a welcome light into Tsuna's life.

Ever since Tsuna's Sky Arcobaleno crowning, everyone, including Reborn, treats him like glass.

(Like a pretty, dainty little thing that will break and shatter until you can't put him back together.)

(Golden statice become a part of his windowsill display, once again.)

Byakuran is casual, quirky, and most of all, understanding.

He suffers too, with the parallel universes and the mafia and his decision to almost take over the world.

Tsuna's thankful that it only caused a weird addiction for marshmallows.

(For Byakuran.)

—

But it's not reciprocated.

(Chrysanthemums, joy and optimism.)

—

Eventually, day by day, week by week, month by month, Tsuna doesn't have long to live.

He's sitting at a Family gathering with the Varia, the Vongola, the Cavallone, the Millefiore, and the Giglio Nero.

It settles over him as an unnatural calm, and Tsuna, for the first time in years, relaxes.

Everyone else is so caught up in their conversations and socializing that no one notices that Tsuna is closing his eyes.

Tsuna feels like he's just going to sleep.

(His breathing slows down.)

(His heart beats less.)

(And his blood stills.)

No one cares enough to notice.

And that's fine with Tsuna, because Tsuna loves them.

(Even if they take and take and take and give nothing in return.)

—

His grave blooms with bright, brilliant yellow-orange jonquils.

(Desire for the return of affection.)

—

Word Count: 4,167 words

Total Word Count: 7,389

Happy New Year's, everyone!

How did you guys like this last bit? It kind of spiraled into a different thing at the end, but I'm just happy I finished something.

Also, I'm pretty proud of myself for making this. It reached 7k. That's a lot for me, haha.

And thank you all for reading!

Finished Edited: January 1, 2020


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